A Different Conversation: Learning to Communicate Across Cultures

One of the biggest surprises of working internationally was discovering how many assumptions I carried about communication. This post explores what happens when familiar signals like feedback, silence, directness, and tone mean something different in a new cultural context.

Photo by Maria Vlasenko on Unsplash

A Different Conversation

Ask the average person what the Dutch are known for, and you’ll get predictable answers that include being tall, riding bicycles, and eating cheese. If you ask someone who has worked with or interacted with the Dutch, they’ll likely mention their directness.

During my time working in the Netherlands, I didn’t just observe Dutch directness. Sometimes I was on the receiving end of it. More than once, I found myself adopting that style. When a contractor working with my team wasn’t meeting expectations, I sat down with him and simply said, “I am dissatisfied with your work product.” In the United States, a similar conversation would have been padded with supportive comments and encouragement, with the critical feedback sandwiched somewhere in the middle. 

Learning to Read the Signals

The history behind Dutch directness is fascinating, but for expats, the practical implications matter more. Communication styles shape everyday interactions, performance conversations, and workplace relationships. Directness is just one example. Depending on where you work, you may encounter differences in tone, eye contact, silence, interruptions, or body language. Learning to recognize and interpret these differences can make you far more effective. You may find that communication is where the challenges I’ve talked about in earlier posts - demonstrating expertise, building credibility - come into sharper focus.

The good news is that there are many ways to learn about communication differences in advance of arriving in a new country or culture. Miscommunications are common enough that they regularly appear in podcasts, books, rom-coms and comedy routines. There are also practical resources that explore communication across cultures, including resources like Erin Meyer’s The Culture Map, a book I’ve referenced in other installments in this series. Her blend of real-life anecdotes and research helps expats to understand and work within the often-unspoken context in professional environments. 

Another great way to learn is simply by observation. Outside of the workplace, how do people in your new country communicate? How loudly do they speak? How close do they stand to each other? Do they interrupt each other? Do they gesture while they speak, or are their movements contained? While behavior in social settings is generally more relaxed than in the workplace, observing everyday interactions can reveal the communication norms that shape daily life.

Adapting Without Losing Yourself

Once you have studied and observed communication norms, you will need to determine how to adjust your own communication style to be most effective in your role. While difficult, it is important to balance adaptation to local norms with the need to maintain your authenticity.

Communication is one area where it’s helpful to have a peer to guide you. If you are preparing for a presentation, ask a trusted colleague to do a run-though and give you feedback. Don’t be afraid to admit to having a learning curve. You can even bring a spirit of exploration into a presentation by sharing what you might have said in your home country, compared to what you’ve learned and how you’ve adjusted. Your audience will gain some insight into cultural norms in your home country, and you’ll gain trust and credibility for demonstrating how you are adapting. 

Staying Curious

In many ways, my experience with communication abroad reflected the same themes I've explored throughout this series. I arrived in a new culture with experience, expertise, and good intentions. What I hadn't fully appreciated was that even something as familiar as conversation operates according to a different set of assumptions.

Over time, I have come to realize that effective communication isn't about mastering a set of rules. It’s about staying curious. The same learner's mindset that helps us navigate new cultures also helps us understand new ways of speaking, listening, and connecting.

Communication, like credibility, grows through observation, adjustment, and practice.

What assumptions do you carry about what effective communication looks like? How might those assumptions help—or hinder—you in a new cultural context?